Let's Cee a Movie

Abstinence has never looked better.

I never thought I’d write that.

The person that It is following is Jay Height (Maika Monroe), who’s currently seeing a guy named Hugh (Jake Weary) who says a lot of things at the beginning that takes on a whole new meaning on a second viewing. After having sex with Jay, he explains to her that a mysterious entity will now hunt and kill her, with her only hope being to sleep with someone else, thus passing on the curse or whatever it is to that other person. To convince her of that, he does so in the most traumatizing way possible and doesn’t even get the proper chewing out that he deserves.

Happy belated birthday Kick-A*s!

If I was a better critic, I would have had this out yesterday. (Unmarked Spoilers)

For those of you who don’t know, Kick-A*s is to superhero movies what Scream is to horror movies. The plot concerns this loser high school student named Dave Lizewski (Aaron Johnson), who decides to be a real-life superhero named Kick-A*s. He also finally earns the attention of his crush Katie (Lyndsy Fonseca), but sadly it’s because she wants him to be her “gay BFF” due to a false rumor going around.

Rabid 1.0

Freud would have a field day with this movie.

Shivers, initially titled Orgy of the Blood Parasites (why did they change it), is about Dr. Emil Hobbes (Fred Doederlein), who somehow managed to get grants to make a parasite that will be beneficial to people. Even though, by definition, parasites don’t provide any benefits to the hosts. Despite that, the characters of this movie will continue to refer to Hobbes’ creations as parasites and not symbiotes. One character ends up vomiting up his parasites multiple times, yet that doesn’t seem to be more than slightly bothersome.

She’s kind of like an indie version of Katniss.

Why do I feel old for remembering that series?

After attacking the abusive boyfriend of her friend Emily (Grace Victoria Cox), Lauren (Bailey Noble) ends up going before a hanging judge (Kurt Fuller), who sentences her to an indeterminate stay in juvie. Eventually, Lauren decides to escape with the help of another inmate, Rebecca (Jeanine Mason), with the two of them discovering that there’s more to the situation than meets the eye.

CSI: Supernatural

Usually people are dying to get in.

Tommy (Brian Cox) and Austin (Emile Hirsch) are a father and son team of morticians who conduct the autopsy of Jane Doe (Olwen Kelly). At first, they try and do their jobs, but once things start to get a little too weird, they decide that it’s time to get the hell out of there. Only they can’t, and then things start getting really bad for them.

In space, no one can hear you…

At least he’s not stuck with Willem Dafoe.

Full disclosure, I wrote this review a while ago and have only now gotten around to publishing it because of everything that I’ve got going on in my life. I only point that out because I imagine I might feel a little differently watching a film about a family in an isolated location. Though not different enough to warrant rewatching it, mind you.

Who’s laughing now?

The answer is no one.

This classic starts during a women’s gym class, where the subsequent locker room showering and dressing is in slow motion. All of which happens within the first five minutes during the opening credits. If you somehow missed the part of the credits that showed a man directed this movie, you’ll probably figure it out if not then, than the later gym detention scene that seems designed to showcase the actresses’ legs and how this was before the invention of the sports bra.

Worse things are happening in Texas

So this is one of the classics.

Sally (Marilyn Burns) and Franklin Hardesty (Paul A. Partain) are traveling to check on their grandfather’s grave along with a group of friends. Along the way, they meet no end to trouble. First, they end up picking up a hitchhiker (Edwin Neal), because that’s always a good idea. Especially when the hitchhiker is clearly a freak even before he starts setting off so many red flags, it’s a little surprising he remained in the car as long as he did. Then they run into Leatherface (Gunnar Hansen), who not only butchers them like cattle but eats them like it too.

What's the tale?

They though they could say bye, bye birdie. They thought wrong.

The Nightingale follows Clare (Aisling Franciosi), an Irish convict in a penal colony where she works at a bar singing for and serving British soldiers. It is there that she meets Lieutenant Hawkins (Sam Claflin) and his cronies, who not only rape her repeatedly but also murder her husband and infant daughter. When Clare comes to afterwords, she not only finds that Hawkins has already left on an impromptu journey with his men and some other convicts, but that it’s his word against hers for what happed. So she decides to take justice into her own hands.

He’s right behind you.

No, seriously, turn around and see for yourself.

Once again, I have no official gender and horror movie for today, because right now we’re in the middle of spring break. So instead, I’ve selected a more recent film that deals with gender and horror—the second adaptation of H.G. Wells’ The Invisible Man. When I say that I, of course, mean second official adaptation, there have been millions of other things influenced by the novel. Such as Hollow Man, which has a few things in common with this version.