Let's Cee a Movie

Jem and The Lost Girls

Where intersectional feminists never drink…wine.

Bit tells the story of Laurel (Nicole Maines), a recent high school graduate visiting her brother Mark (James Paxton) in Los Angeles. Her life changes forever when a coven of local vampires nearly kill her. Instead, their leader, Duke (Diana Hopper), decides to make Laurel the only trans vampire besides Eli from Låt den rätte komma in (Let The Right One In). Then Laurel finds herself enjoying the nightlife, so long as she obeys the rules. Never do the vampire Hypno-eye thing on another vampire. Kill what you eat, or else it turns, and only Duke can decide who gets to be a new recruit. Finally, and most importantly, turning a man is forbidden.

Pick up every stitch

Meet the black sheep of the franchise (Unmarked Spoilers)

As the horror fans among you would know, but perhaps not anyone else, Halloween III: Season of the Witch is not about Michael Meyers. The man, the myth, the legend doesn’t even appear in the film outside of a brief cameo in a tv commercial. Series writer and director John Carpenter wanted to switch gears and make this an anthology. Each film would have a different plot that took place on the titular holiday. The fact that Halloween 4 was subtitled The Return of Micheal Meyers tells you how well that idea went over with fans and critics alike. I must say, as unfortunate as scream queen Danielle Harris not being discovered would have been, a series of anthology films would have been cool.

Polar opposites

Witness two films about the same thing be vastly different. (Unmarked Spoilers)

Extremely Wicked, Shockingly Evil, And Vile is the latest biopic about serial killer Ted Bundy (Zac Efron). It’s based on The Phantom Prince: My Life with Ted Bundy by Elizabeth Kendall (Lily Collins), which provides a detailed account of Kendall’s life as Bundy’s girlfriend and sometimes fiance.

Aren’t we glad that the folks are gone

That’s what you get for staying up past your bedtime. (Unmarked Spoilers)

In The Babysitter, we meet Cole (Judah Lewis), a 12-year-old kid afraid of needles, driving, and standing up to his bullies, who encompass practically everyone around him. All of which will probably have you quoting Tim Roth’s character in Hardcore Henry. (‘You. Little. P***y.’) (spoiler) Cole’s only bright spot is his best friend Melanie (Emily Alyn Lind), who clearly has a crush on him, and his babysitter Bee (Samra Weaving), who is very hot. If you’ve seen Weaving, that probably goes without saying, but since this movie’s camera is so keen to remind us of that fact, I thought I’d bring that up too.

We can be villains

Just for one day.

Villains stars Bill Skarsgård and Maika Monroe, both previously in popular horror films about a shapeshifting it. Yes, the two of them playing a couple is much too ironic to be a coincidence. To be more specific, they are Mickey and Jules are two young thieves on the run with dreams of a better life. Except on the way to that better life, they first need to make a pit stop.

Edward Gunhands

Good thing he no longer has to hold a wand.

Miles (Daniel Radcliffe) is this computer geek who decides it’s a good idea to troll an online death-match called Skizm. The site’s creator, Riktor (Ned Dennehy), doesn’t take too kindly to that and decides to make Miles the next contestant. Nailing two guns to his hands, Miles has to fight Nix (Samara Weaving), whose first fight scene makes the Bride (NSFW) look like Princess Peach. You’d think that any contest between them would be over and done with pretty quickly. Luckily for Miles, Nix seems to lose a great deal of her skill for most of the movie.

VVitch v. Blackcoat’s Daughter

Who will win? (Unmarked Spoilers)

My final assignment for my gender and horror class was the comparison project. I was to analyze two different films using the knowledge and skills I had acquired as part of the course. I was also to compare the two films and decide which one should be included in future versions of the class.

Hakuna matata Vagina dentata

I’d like to thank my college professor for giving me that title. (Unmarked Spoilers)

Teeth is about a girl who, upon being sexually assaulted, discovers that she has a second pair of teeth down there, which bites the rapist’s d**k off. I heard someone tell me about the time they watched this movie with their girl friends and guys friends. The girls were really into it, but the guys were all freaking out. Or another person whose brother was a self-proclaimed horror aficionado, but wouldn’t rewatch this movie because it was too messed up. My biggest regret with this review is that I’m unable to convey my impressive eye-roll in text form.

My favorite of the sequel trilogy.

If you still hate this movie, consider yourself warned. (Unmarked Spoilers)

Happy Star Wars Day, everyone! I originally wrote this review a year ago on my old website, and so many things have changed since then. I’ve previously titled this review ‘The one that you either really love or really hate,’ but now that’s outdated after the next installment proved to be even more divided.

Way to make a coma look good.

The difference between life and death is as long as a heartbeat. (Unmarked Spoilers)

Before there was Rick Grimes, Jim (Cillian Murphy) slept through the zombie apocalypse first. Now, there also seems to be some debate over whether the people infected with the rage virus in 28 Days Later are zombies. Yes, yes they are, because while the infected are alive and don’t seem to be cannibals if it looks like a zombie, it acts like a zombie, and infects people like a zombie, then it’s a zombie. A comparison heightened by the numerous similarities 28 Days Later shares with the themes commonly found in George A. Romero movies.