Let's Cee a Movie

It’s an art film, I swear!

Ah, two of my favorite genres combined.

Porno is set in 1992 and concerns a movie theatre that stresses strong Christian values to its employees, the most subtly named of which is Chasity (Jillian Mueller) or Chaz for short. One night they discover this mysterious film reel that they decide to watch after work. The problem is that by doing so, they release a succubus that the credits refer to as Lilith (Katelyn Pearce), but she’s never called that in the movie itself.

Just the two of us

Enjoy finding a reason to care about these people.

Malcolm (John David Washington) is a filmmaker who has just made a movie he wrote and directed about a drug addict. Marie (Zendaya) is a former actress and drug addict who is currently dating Malcolm. During the movie’s premiere, Malcolm thanks, everyone but Marie. Once home, tensions boil over, and the two of them launch into a whole movie’s worth of arguments.

Finally

I can still remember when a Snyder cut seemed like a pipe dream. (Unmarked Spoilers for theatrical version)

The plot of Zack Snyder’s Justice League is more or less the same as the theatrical cut. (Emphasize on the more, because the runtime of this movie is four hours long.) Following the death of Superman/Clark Kent (Henry Cavill), evil alien Steppenwolf (Ciarán Hinds) has come to conquer Earth in the name of Darkseid (Ray Porter). To do so, he must assemble three Mother Boxes that will allow Steppenwolf to terraform Earth into a copy of his homeworld Apokolips. The only thing standing in his way is Batman/Bruce Wayne (Ben Affleck), who assembles a team of powerful heroes to combat this deadly threat.

Deaky

Gotta get down on Friday.

Life has not been going well for Millie Kessler (Kathryn Newton). Her dad’s dead, leading her mom Coral (Katie Finneran) to become an alcoholic. She gets bullied by mean girl Ryler (Melissa Collazo), shop teacher Mr. Bernadi (Alan Ruck), and all the jocks at her school besides dreamboat Booker (Uriah Shelton). Then Millie gets attacked by a serial killer, the Blissfield Butcher (Vince Vaughn). Except unlike that one time outside Ebbing, Missouri, she must have a guardian angel watching over her because she survives. Or maybe not, as Butcher using a magical dagger leads to the two of them switching bodies.

Head in the clouds

The main character’s in for a real nightmare.

Shadow in the Cloud follows Maude Garrett (Chloë Grace Moretz), a Flight Officer fighting alongside the Allies in WWII. At the very last minute, she boards the Fool’s Errand, a bomber plane, with a mysterious package and note saying she will accompany the crew. Given the lack of space on the aircraft, the only place to go is down in the turret, where things steadily go from bad to worse for her.

No more Mr. Nice Guy

So this is what feminist rage looks like. (Unmarked Spoilers)

Cassandra “Cassie” Thomas (Carey Mulligan) is a coffee shop worker by day but a whole different person by night. She goes to a bar and acts super intoxicated until a “nice guy” who thinks that basic human decency entitles them to sex offers to help. Then she turns the tables on them by revealing she’s not drunk and scaring them into changing their ways—a surprisingly optimistic move for a movie vigilante, who would usually just kill them.

Front to back

You’ll never guess who made this movie.

To start with, I’d like to apologize. I know I promised to stop bringing up the pandemic in my reviews, but here I have to. For better or worse, Tenet is intertwined with COVID-19, probably more than any other movie that’s come out lately.

How does it feel…to finally watch watch this movie?

If I had a voice like New Order, I’d turn that into an actual song. (Unmarked Spoilers)

While the previous films made it seem as though Diana Prince/Wonder Woman (Gal Gadot) retired from superheroics following the death of her lover, Steve Trevor (Chris Pine), Wonder Woman 1984 reveals quite the opposite. It turns out she continued her superhero career in secret for decades afterward. Up to the day that Steve returns.

Gay Happy Meetings

Being home for the holidays is the best. (Unmarked Spoilers)

Happiest Season finds Kristen Stewart playing someone who isn’t just that same unemotional Kristen Stewart character. Hallelujah, it’s a Christmas miracle. To be more specific, she plays Abby, who plans on proposing to her girlfriend Harper (Mackenzie Davis) on Christmas morning. If Davis’ role in Freaks of Nature is anything to go by, Stewart has a type. The problem is that Harper has neglected to come out to her family, so Abby has to pretend that they’re both straight and just roommates. How bad could that be?

Ready, steady, go

The Hunt is On. (Unmarked Spoilers)

In a post-apocalyptic world, a virtual reality videogame that has replaced the internet itself called the OASIS is people’s only escape. Its creator James Halliday (Mark Rylance), has died and left his vast fortune and control of the OASIS itself to anyone who could find the Easter Egg he has hidden inside the game. To do so, you must first find three keys that open three gates. Wade Watts/Parzival (Tye Sheridan) is just one of several “gunters” embarking on this Charlie and the Chocolate Factory-type quest to find the egg, alongside his best friend Aech (Lena Waithe) and crush Art3mis (Olivia Cooke). Also after the egg is Nolan Sorrento (Ben Mendelsohn), who works for a company named IOI, who plans to turn the OASIS into a monetized hellscape.