Head in the clouds

The main character’s in for a real nightmare.

Shadow in the Cloud follows Maude Garrett (Chloë Grace Moretz), a Flight Officer fighting alongside the Allies in WWII. At the very last minute, she boards the Fool’s Errand, a bomber plane, with a mysterious package and note saying she will accompany the crew. Given the lack of space on the aircraft, the only place to go is down in the turret, where things steadily go from bad to worse for her.

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No more Mr. Nice Guy

So this is what feminist rage looks like. (Unmarked Spoilers)

Cassandra “Cassie” Thomas (Carey Mulligan) is a coffee shop worker by day but a whole different person by night. She goes to a bar and acts super intoxicated until a “nice guy” who thinks that basic human decency entitles them to sex offers to help. Then she turns the tables on them by revealing she’s not drunk and scaring them into changing their ways—a surprisingly optimistic move for a movie vigilante, who would usually just kill them.

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How does it feel…to finally watch watch this movie?

If I had a voice like New Order, I’d turn that into an actual song. (Unmarked Spoilers)

While the previous films made it seem as though Diana Prince/Wonder Woman (Gal Gadot) retired from superheroics following the death of her lover, Steve Trevor (Chris Pine), Wonder Woman 1984 reveals quite the opposite. It turns out she continued her superhero career in secret for decades afterward. Up to the day that Steve returns.

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Gay Happy Meetings

Being home for the holidays is the best. (Unmarked Spoilers)

Happiest Season finds Kristen Stewart playing someone who isn’t just that same unemotional Kristen Stewart character. Hallelujah, it’s a Christmas miracle. To be more specific, she plays Abby, who plans on proposing to her girlfriend Harper (Mackenzie Davis) on Christmas morning. If Davis’ role in Freaks of Nature is anything to go by, Stewart has a type. The problem is that Harper has neglected to come out to her family, so Abby has to pretend that they’re both straight and just roommates. How bad could that be?

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Ready, steady, go

The Hunt is On. (Unmarked Spoilers)

In a post-apocalyptic world, a virtual reality videogame that has replaced the internet itself called the OASIS is people’s only escape. Its creator James Halliday (Mark Rylance), has died and left his vast fortune and control of the OASIS itself to anyone who could find the Easter Egg he has hidden inside the game. To do so, you must first find three keys that open three gates. Wade Watts/Parzival (Tye Sheridan) is just one of several “gunters” embarking on this Charlie and the Chocolate Factory-type quest to find the egg, alongside his best friend Aech (Lena Waithe) and crush Art3mis (Olivia Cooke). Also after the egg is Nolan Sorrento (Ben Mendelsohn), who works for a company named IOI, who plans to turn the OASIS into a monetized hellscape.

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Jem and The Lost Girls

Where intersectional feminists never drink…wine.

Bit tells the story of Laurel (Nicole Maines), a recent high school graduate visiting her brother Mark (James Paxton) in Los Angeles. Her life changes forever when a coven of local vampires nearly kill her. Instead, their leader, Duke (Diana Hopper), decides to make Laurel the only trans vampire besides Eli from Låt den rätte komma in (Let The Right One In). Then Laurel finds herself enjoying the nightlife, so long as she obeys the rules. Never do the vampire Hypno-eye thing on another vampire. Kill what you eat, or else it turns, and only Duke can decide who gets to be a new recruit. Finally, and most importantly, turning a man is forbidden.

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Pick up every stitch

Meet the black sheep of the franchise (Unmarked Spoilers)

As the horror fans among you would know, but perhaps not anyone else, Halloween III: Season of the Witch is not about Michael Meyers. The man, the myth, the legend doesn’t even appear in the film outside of a brief cameo in a tv commercial. Series writer and director John Carpenter wanted to switch gears and make this an anthology. Each film would have a different plot that took place on the titular holiday. The fact that Halloween 4 was subtitled The Return of Micheal Meyers tells you how well that idea went over with fans and critics alike. I must say, as unfortunate as scream queen Danielle Harris not being discovered would have been, a series of anthology films would have been cool.

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Polar opposites

Witness two films about the same thing be vastly different. (Unmarked Spoilers)

Extremely Wicked, Shockingly Evil, And Vile is the latest biopic about serial killer Ted Bundy (Zac Efron). It’s based on The Phantom Prince: My Life with Ted Bundy by Elizabeth Kendall (Lily Collins), which provides a detailed account of Kendall’s life as Bundy’s girlfriend and sometimes fiance.

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Aren’t we glad that the folks are gone

That’s what you get for staying up past your bedtime. (Unmarked Spoilers)

In The Babysitter, we meet Cole (Judah Lewis), a 12-year-old kid afraid of needles, driving, and standing up to his bullies, who encompass practically everyone around him. All of which will probably have you quoting Tim Roth’s character in Hardcore Henry. (‘You. Little. P***y.’) (spoiler) Cole’s only bright spot is his best friend Melanie (Emily Alyn Lind), who clearly has a crush on him, and his babysitter Bee (Samra Weaving), who is very hot. If you’ve seen Weaving, that probably goes without saying, but since this movie’s camera is so keen to remind us of that fact, I thought I’d bring that up too. 

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