I hope you asked Santa for another unnecessary remake (Unmarked Spoilers) Why did this movie have to be called Black Christmas? Yes, it’s a slasher movie set during Christmas and about a sorority, but beyond that, the two films have so little in common that I don’t know why this couldn’t have been made as a …
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Ta tatatatta tatatat ta tatata ta tatata
After 42 years, it all leads up to this…until Star Wars Episode X Palpatine’s back b*****s. How? The force, I guess…does it matter? This way, we don’t have to deal with a whole movie of Kylo Ren (Adam Driver). I know he thinks his Uncle Luke (Mark Hamil) was going to kill him, but that …
Number’s up
And then there were… Jesus, look at the cast of this movie. You have master detective Bond, James Bond (Daniel Craig) investigating the death of Captain Von Trapp (Christopher Plummer). The suspects include (deep breathe) Captain America (Chris Evans), Joi (Ana de Armas), Laurie Strode (Jamie Lee Curtis), John Givings, Jr. (NSFW)(Michael Shannon), Sonny Crockett (Don Johnson), …
To die, to sleep
A sequel that the filmmakers don’t want to call a sequel. The novel version of Doctor Sleep starts with Danny (Roger Dale Floyd) before introducing our new villains. The adaption of Doctor Sleep does the opposite because having a bunch of energy vampires called the True Knot eating a child’s shining by torturing them to death is a more …
DUNDUN DUN DUNDUN
How many versions of the same movie are we going to get? (Unmarked Spoilers) After Halloween, I have another franchise that seems to be as unstoppable as its main villain — consisting of The Terminator, the one that started it all. Terminator 2: Judgement Day, the unquestioned apex of the series that has almost everything you could want …
The night he came home, three times
A holiday retrospective. Halloween (1978) is one of those movies that has a massive impact on the genre. Much like Suspiria (1977), there’s not really any character development, and the little plot in the film is basically an excuse for great music and atmosphere. Here’s the whole plot in a nutshell. Murderer Michael Myers (Nick Castle, Tony Moran, …
Cool party bro
I assume killer party was too obvious a title Casper (Sam Strike) is a young thief just trying to get him and his dad out of their lousy neighborhood. Then his dad ends up getting in deep with a loan shark. Desperate, Casper decides to rob this wealthy family, the Dawsons, during a party they’re …
When you’re good to Mama
What’s wrong with these kids today? Ah, Blumhouse Productions, for every good movie you come out with, you have about five bad ones. One of their latest releases is Ma, which is about a group of teenagers who, while trying to find someone to buy beer for them, end up bumping into Sue Ann (Octavia Spencer) …
Da-da-da-dum (snap, snap)
There are worse movies to take your kids to Tired of always being on the run from angry mobs, Gomez (Oscar Isaac) and Morticia (Charlize Theron) look for a place that’s so horrible, no person other than them would go there. Winding up in New Jersey, they find a haunted sanitarium that they think is …
Jesse’s back, b***h
But did he really need to be? Breaking Bad (NSFW) is the greatest show ever. Now that I’m not hearing those words all the time, I actually kind of miss them. Now, years later, we have a feature-length movie continuing the story. After deciding to cook meth with Walter White (Bryan Cranston), Jesse Pinkman (Aaron Paul) …
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