Let's Cee a Movie

Was ‘do it’ making this movie?

The third time is not the charm.

Ed (Patrick Wilson) and Lorraine Warren (Vera Farmiga) are back. Their latest exorcism goes horribly wrong. Ed ends up in the hospital after a heart attack. And if that’s bad enough, instead of being expelled, the demon merely jumps from David Glatzel (Julian Hilliard) to Arne Johnson (Ruairi O’Connor). The latter of whom goes on to murder his landlord. Then it’s up to the Warrens to retrace their steps and uncover evidence that will help Johnson’s case.

Cruel Devil

The one thing missing is more of that catchy theme song…(Unmarked Spoilers)

Once upon a time, Cruella (Emma Stone) was once a wild child named Estella (Tipper Seifert-Cleveland, Billie Gadsdon) who was constantly getting in trouble at school. Much to the frustration of her mother Catherine (Emily Beecham). After Estella finally gets expelled, Catherine has to resort to desperate measures. She drives to the home of a wealthy woman to ask for financial assistance and tells Estella to stay in the car.

Better Half

Find out what’s been eating her. (Unmarked Spoilers)

Anne Fedder (Barbara Crampton) is the stifled wife of Jakob (Larry Fessenden), a minister who is so dedicated to his job that he wears his collar all the time. He leaves a lot to be desired in terms of being a husband, though. He talks over her, talks down to her, and snores. One day she decides to show her old flame Tom Low (Robert Rusler) around an old mill he’s going to redevelop. They kiss, but Anne declines to go further than that. Shortly afterward there interrupted by the Master (Bonnie Aarons), a vampire who’s been using the factory as a hideout.

The Extra-Terrestrial

What a great piece of movie nostalgia.

One day siblings Mimi (Nita-Josée Hanna) and Luke (Owen Myre) discover an ancient sarcophagus buried in their backyard. It contains an alien overlord they nickname Psycho Goreman (Matthew Ninaber, voiced by Steven Vlahos), or PG for short. Eons ago, he was imprisoned by the Templars before he could complete his objective of exterminating all life. Luckily for them, Mimi also uncovers PG’s power source, a gem that gives her complete control over him. Mimi then forces PG to obey all of her childish wishes, regardless of the collateral damage.

Lovely Day

Do these two have photographic memories? (Unmarked Spoilers)

Mark (Kyle Allen) is a teen boy stuck in a time loop repeating the same day over and over again. One day he meets Margaret (Kathryn Newton), a girl his age who’s stuck in the time loop with him. After some convincing, Mark teams up with Margaret to make a map of all the perfect things happening in town to pass the time. Could this be the beginning of a beautiful romance?

Do you believe you can fly?

**“There is no way that LeBron will ever be Jordan. Nobody will ever be Jordan, okay.” -Russell Gettis, Bad Teacher (Unmarked Spoilers)**

Al-G Rhythm (Don Cheadle) is the Warner Bros. server algorithm (get it?). When he’s not ruling over the Serververs, he’s busy conducting an idea that will finally get him the respect he thinks he deserves. However, when LeBron James (himself) shoots down a proposed movie starring himself, Al-G responds by yanking the basketball star and his son Dom (Cedric Joe) into cyberspace. Now, to rescue Dom, Lebron needs to win a game of basketball as part of one giant commercial masquerading as a movie that had more in common with Ready Player One or Ralph Breaks the Internet than it does with the original Space Jam.

Blood and Water

F*g rich people. (Unmarked Spoilers)

Slasher is a Canadian anthology series that takes the slasher movie format and expands it to eight episodes. Each season is a self-contained story with a different killer, though it implies that The Executioner (Season 1) and Guilty Party (Season 2) at least occur in the same universe. The show’s also gone through multiple networks, most recently switching from Netflix to Shudder. Unfortunately, they’ve also gone from releasing the whole season at once to the first couple episodes one day, the rest over the following weeks.

The Dirty not Dozen

Let’s all pretend the first movie never happened. (Unmarked Spoilers)

Task Force X or the Suicide Squad is a group of supervillains sent into nigh unsurvivable scenarios in exchange for time off their prison sentences. The Squad’s mission this time around is to infiltrate the nation of Corto Maltese and destroy Project Starfish, aka Starro the Conqueror. This giant alien starfish can control people’s minds. Someone with no imagination named the project.

Fly the Unfriendly Skies

At least there’s nothing on the wing of the plane. (Unmarked Spoilers)

Nadja (Peri Baumeister) and her son Elias (Carl Anton Koch) are traveling from Germany to the United States so that Nadja can partake in a special treatment program to cure her vampirism. Unfortunately, their plane ends up getting hijacked by terrorists. Berg, the leader of the terrorists, is played by Dominic Purcell, who also played Dracula (NSFW) in Blade: Trinity. That’s probably not a coincidence, and if it is, it’s hilarious.

Scary Movies

What’s your favorite? (Unmarked Spoilers)

Scream and its first three sequels were a series of slasher movies that horror master Wes Craven directed. Instead of sticking two or more reviews under a single post like I usually do with franchises, I decided to instead look at the series up to this point. I hoped that my analysis would be more condensed that way. I’m not sure how well I succeed on that front, but I hope you enjoy me doing something a little different.