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Tales from the Mortuary

The even-numbered segments are the best. (Unmarked Spoilers)

Montgomery Dark (Clancy Brown) is the mortician of Raven’s End. Presumably because of all of the ravens they’ve got lying around. One day, following the funeral of a young boy, Montgomery hires a new assistant, Sam (Caitlin Fisher). He proceeds to tell her all kinds of twisted tales involving cause and effect.

That which does not kill us

Why am I watching all these non-horror movies? (Unmarked Spoilers)

This sorta sequel to The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo (2011) is an adaptation of Det som inte dödar oss or The Girl in the Spider’s Web by David Lagercrantz. It is the fourth novel in the Millennium series. Yes, we’ve now gone from the first to the fourth. Funnily enough, certain lines imply that at least some of the second and third books happened in this universe.

Woke up this morning

You should play that while you read this. (Unmarked Spoilers)

The Many Saints of Newark is a prequel to The Sopranos, one of the greatest shows of all time. It concerns Dickie Moltisanti (Alessandro Nivola), a member of the DiMeo mafia family who becomes embroiled in several personal dramas with multiple characters. Such as with his new stepmom Guiseppina Bruno (Michela de Rossi), an employee turned rival Harold McBrayer (Leslie Odom Jr.), and of course, his nephew Tony Soprano (Michael Gandolfini, William Ludwig).

Time enough for life

I bet you didn’t see that one coming. (Massive Unmarked Spoilers)

When we last left off, James Bond (Daniel Craig) has decided to retire from his spy work to spend his days with his second love, Madeline Swann (Léa Seydoux). Naturally, they need to do away with all that for this movie to happen. The two of them go their separate ways, and years later, Felix Leiter (Jeffery Wright), Bond’s “brother from Langley,” comes asking for his help with an assignment.

Cancerous

Hello old friend. (Massive Spoilers Unmarked)

Malignant was advertised as a new vision of terror from James Wan. He first burst onto the scene as the director of Saw before moving on to several better movies like The Conjuring, Insidious, and Aquaman. The plot of this movie concerns a woman named Madison (Annabelle Wallis), who starts to have visions of a mysterious killer named Gabriel (Ray Chase, Marina Mazepa).

One is the loneliest number

Except two’s not as bad as one. Two’s better than one. (Unmarked Spoiler)

Venom: Let There Be Carnage sees Tom Hardy reprise his roles as Eddie Brock and his alien symbiote Venom. What’s impressive is that Hardy manages to sound even more over the top as Venom than he did in the last movie. Woody Harrelson also reprises his role of every single character he’s played since Natural Born Killers. Though not exactly distinct from his other movies, Harrelson does still turn in a good performance.

Ain’t we got fun

The movie’s precisely what the title implies. (Unmarked Spoilers)

The year is 1983. Joel (Evan Marsh) is a reporter for a horror movie magazine who has an unrequited crush on his roommate, Sarah (Alexa Rose Steele). One night he decides to follow Sarah’s latest date, Bob (Ari Millen), to a bar to record him saying some compromising information. After that fails, Joel gets super drunk and blacks out. After coming to, Joel stumbles upon a self-help group/business retreat for serial killers.

Men who hate women

These movies might not be horror, but they’re still disturbing. (Unmarked Spoilers)

Män som hatar kvinnor or The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo is a Swedish novel by Stieg Larson that has been adapted to film twice. A Swedish version that was released 2009, starring Michael Nyqvist and Noomi Rapace. And a North American version that was released in 2011, starring Daniel Craig and Rooney Mara

Jenny Jenny, you’re the girl for me

This wasn’t quite what I was expecting. (Unmarked Spoilers)

Jennifer’s Body is a horror-comedy initially released in 2009. I remember watching this movie and not liking it, which was true for a lot of people. The film received mixed reviews and was a box office failure. In recent years, people’s opinions have become much more favorable, with some labeling the film a feminist cult classic. That is what convinced me that it was time for a rewatch.

Blood and Water Part 2

If I knew I was going to make two of these, I would have picked a better title. (Unmarked Spoilers)

When we left off, Spencer Galloway (David Cronenberg), heartless b*****d, has set up a series of contests on a private island to determine who will become his heir. Among the contestants are Liv (Sydney Meyer), an Iraq vet. O’Keeffe (Breton Lalama), a blood relative who also ended up being pretty cool. And the twins, Theo (Alex Ozeroy) and Vincent (A.J. Simmons), recently reunited after a kidnapping. There’s also a masked killer known as the Gentleman running around and picking people off one by one in this horror anthology.