Let's Cee a Movie

Welcome to the Jungle

Cruising (Unmarked Spoilers)

Dr. Lily Houghton (Emily Blunt) is a scientist searching for the Tree of Life, whose petals cure any disease. Unfortunately, she was born in a time where she had the wrong parts and gender to be taken seriously. No, not today, 1916. She has a map. She just needs an arrowhead to translate it, which is denied to her by the Royal Society. So she steals it and hires skipper Frank Wolff (Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson), who normally does jungle cruises filled with fake danger and awful puns, to take her through the jungle.

Up ahead in the distance, I saw a shimmering light

Luckily this movie’s more heaven than hell. (Unmarked Spoilers)

Shaun (Simu Liu) is an unambitious valet who spends his days Ferris Bueller-ing cars with his best friend Katy Chen (Awkwafina). At one point, Katy shoots down the possibility of them becoming a couple, and for the most part, they do have a like brother and sister type relationship. There are, however, hints that their relationship might develop into something more. I sincerely hope that doesn’t happen, because I like the idea of them just being close friends.

Don’t hate the player

Just a sweet sweet fantasy, baby (Unmarked Spoilers)

Guy (Ryan Reynolds) is a friendly non-player character in Free City, this multiplayer game that’s all about destruction. Every day he and his buddy, Buddy (Lil Rel Howery), sit in the background as players, distinguished by their sunglasses, hold up the bank where they work. Everything changes when Guy meets and falls for MolotovGirl (Jodie Comer), inspiring him to steal a pair of sunglasses to be able to talk to her. Once he puts them on, he can see all the missions and gear that the players can access.

Duper

Before any Guardians or Squad, there was the Crimson Bolt (Unmarked Spoilers)

Frank Darbo (Rainn Wilson) is a troubled man whose wife, Sarah (Liv Tyler), is “stolen” by a drug lord named Jacques (Kevin Bacon). Subsequently believing himself to have been given a mission from god, Frank becomes a superhero, the Crimson Bolt, to rescue his wife and fight evil. His weapon of choice ends up being a wrench, perfect for splitting heads open.

Downtown

Not what I was expecting in the best ways. (Massive Unmarked Spoilers)

Eloise “Ellie” Turner (Thomasin McKenzie) has recently come to Soho to study at the London College of Fashion. Except when she goes to sleep, she’s transported to her dream destination, the Swingin Sixties. More specifically, she sees through the eyes of Sandie (Anya Taylor-Joy), her flat’s previous tenant, who aspires to be a singer with the help of her new manager Jack (Matt Smith).

Should this be Halloween 3 or 10?

Either way, it’s not the final chapter. (Unmarked Spoilers)

Michael Meyers (James Jude Courtney, Nick Castle). Laurie Strode (Jamie Lee Curtis). Halloween. You know the drill by now.

Shhhhh

Here’s proof that sometimes you don’t need a sequel. (Unmarked Spoilers)

Years after Rocky (Jane Levy) and her crew broke into his house to rob him, the Blind Man (Stephen Lang) is now raising a daughter, a young girl named Phoenix (Madelyn Grace). Their relationship is loving but starting to become strained due to the Blind Man’s overprotectiveness. Life as they know it changes forever when Raylan (Brendan Sexton III) and his gang of criminals break into their home one night.

Oldie, but not a goodie

Well, that should have been better. (Unmarked Spoilers)

Guy (Gael García Bernal) and Prisca Cappa (Vicky Krieps) decide to give their kids one last vacation as a family at a luxury resort before telling them they’re getting a divorce. Unfortunately for the family, they and several other strangers wind up trapped on a beach that speeds up your aging. Why don’t they just leave? Because whenever they try, they feel this pressure that makes them blackout, which is linked to coming up too quickly after a deep dive.

…Die if I want to, die if I want to

What? It’s a catchy song. (Unmarked Spoilers)

Slumber Party Massacre, directed by Danishka Esterhazy and written by Suzanne Keilly, follows in the tracks of Evil Dead and Fast & Furious where it’s a sequel and/or remake that retains the original title, just without the ‘The.’ It follows Dana (Hannah Gonera), who’s decided to go on a special girls weekend with her girlfriends, Maeve (Frances Sholto-Douglas), Breanie (Alex McGregor), and Ashley (Reze-Tiana Wessels).

Tales from the Mortuary

The even-numbered segments are the best. (Unmarked Spoilers)

Montgomery Dark (Clancy Brown) is the mortician of Raven’s End. Presumably because of all of the ravens they’ve got lying around. One day, following the funeral of a young boy, Montgomery hires a new assistant, Sam (Caitlin Fisher). He proceeds to tell her all kinds of twisted tales involving cause and effect.