As the T-800 said to the trucker…

How should he have known to get out?. (Unmarked Spoilers) Chris (Daniel Kaluuya) should have known to get out because before he even meets the parents of his girlfriend, Rose Armitage (Allison Williams), they hit and kill a deer with their car. Then the police officer who arrives on the scene asks to see Chris’ …

The night that started it all

Before the dawn, day, land, diary and survival. (Unmarked Spoilers) Night of the Living Dead (1968). This is it, the one that started it all. Where George A. Romero created the modern zombie genre as we know it, launching multiple different sequels, copycats, homages, and parodies like this one that was written by yours truly. With that …

It’s Harley Quinn’s world, they’re just living in it

Why didn’t I just use the money I spent on The Gentlemen for this? This movie’s got its title wrong. Instead of Birds of Prey (and the Fantabulous Emancipation of One Harley Quinn), it should be Harley Quinn (guest-starring the Birds of Prey). (I dare you to say that sentence five times fast.) I suspected as much …

You should quit when you’re a head

That’s right, I’m bringing you all the best jokes available. Right now, I’m enrolled in a Gender and Horror studies class that involves looking at multiple different horror films that deal with gender in some way. Yes, I suppose the title of the course was pretty self-explanatory. I’ve decided to share with you all what …

Lock, Stock, Snatch, RocknRolla & Two Smoking Barrels

Learn the most creative ways to call someone a c**t. Recently I found myself with a dilemma because I wanted to see a movie and the one I was going to see, The Turning, got absolutely destroyed by critics and audiences alike. Oh well, now I have more time to read the book as I wait for …

The De Niro

The overindulgent retread that real critics rushed to shower with praise. After watching this movie with my dad, he wondered aloud what it would be like for a newcomer to watch The Irishman. Someone unfamiliar with Martin Scorsese, Robert De Niro, or Joe Pesci and wouldn’t watch the movie with that background in their mind. To …

Are you in the mood to watch a movie?

Because I’ve got a movie for you to watch Friday night. Safecracker Red (Luke Bracey) has just gotten out jail and happily reunites with his family. His wife, Chloe (Nina Dobrev), is an aspiring artist with a whole show on prison walls and is forced to work with this scumbag name Derek Blarney (David Hewlett). …

Ironic title story

Look, every headline can’t be gold. Marriage Story concerns the lives of Charlie (Adam Driver) and Nicole (Scarlette Johansson), who, after several years of marriage, have decided to get a divorce. At first, my sympathy lay with Nicole because, by all appearances, Charlie was a terrible husband. Then intentionally or not, Nicole does several things that …

What’s Swedish for Wicker Man?

Good thing I started the year with Little Women, because… I hate this movie. As someone who didn’t like Hereditary, writer/director Ari Aster’s previous film, I wasn’t expecting to like this movie, and it exceeded my expectations in that department. Because not only do I hate this movie, but it’s that particular kind of hate that …

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