Cokey the Bear

Only you can prevent forest fires…by doing cocaine. (Spoiler)

As unbelievable as it sounds, Cocaine Bear is based on a true story. There was a drug smuggler named Andrew C. Thornton II (played in the film by Matthew Rhys) who dropped a load of cocaine into the forests near Knoxville, Tennessee. The cocaine was eaten by a bear, nicknamed Pablo Escobear or Cokey the Bear, though the reality is much less amusing for reasons I’ll go over later. The rest of the movie is fictional, however.

Syd White (Ray Liotta)(NSFW) is the man who was in charge of transporting the cocaine on behalf of some Columbians and needs to get it back or else. Fearing for his life but presumably not wanting to end up in witness protection as just another “schnook,” Syd sends his henchman Eddie (Alden Ehrenreich) and Daveed (O’Shea Jackson Jr.) to retrieve the drugs. Police officer Bob (Isiah Whitlock Jr.) is also in pursuit, leaving his dog in the care of Officer Reba (Ayoola Smart).

Eddie is Syd’s son and had previously tried to go on the straight at the behest of his wife. She’s recently died of cancer, so Ehrenreich spends the whole movie looking like he just saw the reviews for Solo: A Star Wars Story. Daveed is Eddie’s best friend who finds himself torn between his loyalty to him and his loyalty to Syd. He also loves his shoes and jersey.

Dee Dee (Brooklynn Prince) is a girl living in the area whose dad is out of the picture. After learning that her nurse mom Sari (Keri Russell) is going on a date that’ll interfere with their usual plans, she decides to skip school with her friend Henry (Christian Convery) to do some painting in the forest. They, of course, cross paths with Cocaine Bear, who’s already attacked a tourist couple, Olaf (Kristofer Hivju) and Elsa (Hannah Hoekstra).

To find her missing daughter, Sari goes to Ranger Liz (Margo Martindale) for help, but the park ranger has other things on her mind: asking out wildlife activist Peter (Jesse Tyler Ferguson) and the Duchamps gang. The latter are three delinquents who make the mistake of trying to jump a seasoned criminal like Daveed. Later, two paramedics named Beth (Kahyum Kim) and Tom (Scott Seiss) appear as well.

Is any of that important/worth caring about? I’m going to have to say no. I’m sorry, but you don’t go to a movie called Cocaine Bear for all the characters not named Cocaine Bear. But since all 95 minutes can’t be just a bear high on cocaine, there are numerous human characters to help pad out the runtime provide an emotional core to the film and get us investigated into the plight of characters caught up in the disaster of human greed and depravity intruding on nature.

Syd’s role within the film is interesting, not only because he’s one of Liotta’s final performances (f**k you 2022, for taking such beloved actors from us), but due to his role within the story. Syd doesn’t suck all the comedy out of the movie but his scenes are portrayed much more seriously than most of the film. For instance, Bob’s death by Syd’s hands is framed as a somber moment, in contrast to all the bear’s victims, whose deaths are played for sick laughs.

Cocaine Bear, much like M3GAN, took the viral world by storm even before it was released. Let us all pray that there’s never a crossover between the two, or else the internet might explode. Both films might also provide a master class on marketing a movie with a great, simple hook.

Are there any serious messages in this film, like in M3GAN? Uh, drugs are bad, I guess. The film makes it clear that black bears don’t usually attack people, with this bear’s violent behavior being due to the coke. Of course, any anti-drug PSA is hard to take seriously when the film plays the resulting rampage for comedy.

If you’re looking for a fun film about a bear doing cocaine, then this is the movie for you. In real life, Pablo Escobear, ended up dying after ODing. That doesn’t happen in the film to pave the way for sequels that will almost definitely come due to Cocaine Bear rivaling Tony Montana (Al Pacino) in terms of cocaine-induced profits. So if this movie isn’t for you, then you might want to get used to ignoring it.